Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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