I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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