Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
