these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
