There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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