Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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