I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
