Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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