there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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