those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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