Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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