quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
