NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
