Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize