I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
