the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
