i always forget guys have bellybuttons
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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