Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
