OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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