The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
