i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
