I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
