Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
