i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
