I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize