At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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