We should be called the Road Head Warriors
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
