Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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