gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
