i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize