His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
