After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
