I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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