i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize