Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
