jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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