Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
