I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
