omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
