I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize