he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
