just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
