apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
