cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm passing your future prison.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
