I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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