Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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