He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
