Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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