so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
