I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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