hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize