At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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