man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize