Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
