I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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