if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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