i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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