Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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