He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
