Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just gargled with NyQuil
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
