Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
