i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
