It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
