Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
