Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize