the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
