Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
