Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
