I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
