Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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