1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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