I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
