come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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