i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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