I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
