shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize