Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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