Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
