my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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