She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Two words: blizzard sex
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
