Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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