True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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