She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had sex on a roof
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
