He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
being pregnant is like rehab
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
