My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
