bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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