I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
