Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
