So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
