You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
