cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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