Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
