her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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