I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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