my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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