evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize