I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you made out with another girl for some wings
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
