I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
