God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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