Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
