I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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