I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
