Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
