I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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