The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
