hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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