You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
